Peeter Joot's (OLD) Blog.

Math, physics, perl, and programming obscurity.

CAA telemarketers are really hard to scare away

Posted by peeterjoot on August 31, 2013

I’m sorry in advance to any homosexual (or heterosexual) individuals that are offended by the following dialogue.

My attempt to engage a CAA (Canadian Automobile Association) telemarketer in an anthrax for weapons deal bombed badly, but I thought that I’d have at least been blacklisted from sales calls after that.  This morning, I found that this wasn’t the case, and it provided the opportunity for more play.

This morning David (who sounds like a friendly older man), calling on behalf of the CAA, called me for the next round of the game.  I recognized his voice from the last CAA sales call, but he may not have recognized mine, since I was attempting flagrant over the top Hollywood style male homosexual voice affectations. 


Our conversation went something like this (although I think I’ve forgotten part of it) :


CAA: “Hello, this is David, calling from the CAA”

“Oh, hello David.  You sound like a strapping young man!”

CAA: “I’m calling from the Canadian Automobile association.”

“Mmm, would you like to come over to play?”

CAA: “We are offering a two for one deal.”

“Ohhh, a two for one?  I’d love to have a two for one with you”

CAA: “[Silent Pause].  For quality assurance purposes, can I confirm that your address is …”

“Oh, yes.  That’s my address.  Would you come over to play?”

CAA: “Okay.  Goodbye.”


I’d learned the voice affectations fairly well when I was a teenager since my mother played piano and sang in a few downtown gay bars.  She developed a number of friendships that extended outside of her work environment, so I was exposed enough voices to be able to do a decent imitation.  My girlfriend, who hadn’t heard me do this sort of impressionism, had listened in with horror and shock, stating after the call: “Who are you?  You did that too easily!  Do I even know you?”

I have deep respect for David, who in two separate scenarios has proved himself completely unflappable.  He is able to maintain a calm and businesslike manner, no matter what is said to him.

Next steps?

I’m once again out of ideas for the next telemarketing call, but they can be so much fun. 

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